we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
