he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my liver is dry heaving
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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