I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
