Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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