yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
