I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
