So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
In America we eat man semen.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
