The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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