I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
