my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
