guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
