I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
