Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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