based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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