??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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