I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
