Kiss
Puke
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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