My sheets look like a crime scene.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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