he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
