he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
