I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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