I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
