you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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