seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
