Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
