i think my tv is drunk
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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