Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
