Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
