I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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