so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I supernannyed him into submission
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
