Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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