This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
