Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
