thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
