youre lurking in front of me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
