don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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