we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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