And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
