he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
