wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
