Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
