A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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