my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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