He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
