1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
