Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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