dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
