if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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