He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
