I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
