8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
we should paint friendship bongs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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