All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
