Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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