I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
