I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we're so committed to being not committed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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