before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
