She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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