she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
