I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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