All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
