this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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