I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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