I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
