Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
