I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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