Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I lost the right to judge tonight
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
