How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
