The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you inspire me to be a worse person
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
