return my video game
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
