The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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