Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
then he tried to convert me to islam
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
