my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
