In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
