3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Text me some of your sweat
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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