You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
