It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
