You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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