I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize