I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
