He kissed a someone with a penis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
