I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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