Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
